NO ONE GETS MS---UNTIL THEY "GET" MS! Therefore, if you don't have MS SHUT UP!

 Angela Mayhew-Groves, Columnist, MSnewsChannel.com

Oh, so you think all MS'ers can work?
Well...
I was talking to another MS'er today and we were discussing how non-mer's think that if one MS person is working then we all can.

They have this notion that because we don't appear 'sick' that we can work and function like everyone else. Well I got some news for you idiots! MS affects each and every MS person differently. The brain controls different functions of the body. Voluntary and Involuntary functions. With that being said, for you fuckers to make these assumptions about us goes to show us just how idiotic you people are. We want to let you all know that all of you can suck our asses! You judges know nothing! Heartless pricks! Learn about the disease before saying anything. And just because you may 'know' someone with MS working doesn't mean that ALL MS'ers can!

NO ONE GETS MS---UNTIL THEY "GET" MS!

Therefore, if you don't have MS SHUT UP!

Thank Goodness for Stan's Angels! A great place to vent! CLICK HERE & BECOME A FRIEND! WE CALL THEM ANGELS

How I Cope With My Shitty Days

Angela Mayhew-Groves, Columnist, MSnewsChannel.com

There are numerous ways I cope with my MS shitty days. All depends on my capabilities. I mean I'm always tired and feel run down, but my emotions play a huge role.

On the most part, I have a positive outlook on life. However, MS really can be a real motherfucker! One can only take so much before one snaps. You know?

With that being said, I have found numerous ways to help me through these shitty days. I enjoy listening to good music, writing, and watching movies. My kids and close friends help me to laugh. My kids and I play games and watch scary movies to help distract me.

Lastly, it helps me a lot to interact with others like myself. It feels comforting to me to be able to turn to Facebook for that extra and much needed support. For  one to know that they have others on this horrific yet comical ride with MS is just awesome. We are in this together my MS family and I thank you and Stan's Angels.

Much love.

MY DAD TOLD ME TO MY FACE THAT I DESERVED TO HAVE MS!

Hi! I'm Angela and I've written 7 more columns for you. Click on my photo on the far left side of this page to read them all please. 

My Column today is about a very personal and hurtful subject for me to talk about: BETRAYAL!

Wow! Where does one even begin with this topic? I mean—no one—absolutely no one wants to be betrayed by anyone. Especially—by ones own flesh and blood.

That’s right. My own father has betrayed me. There have been several occasions. And,each one hurt worse than the last one. He never seems to support me in any aspect of my life. He’s very critical of me. He is not perfect by any means. No one is! And, yet one would think he was the best person in the world. Talk about self confidence.

When I was diagnosed, I was married to my ex. We were having martial issues at the time. MS added more to the plate.

During that time, I was going to counseling. I went for 4 ½ years. Before and after diagnoses. After stressful thinking, weight loss, deep depression and sleep deprivation—I knew it was over. I never talked to my Mom or Dad about the struggles we were going through. I mean I didn't go into depth. Every marriage has their ups and downs. I didn't want to bother them with the details. It was our business. Right? Well—my ex didn't take things as well. It was like a see saw. One day he was okay with it –then the next day he wasn't.

One day my ex had taken my journal from my dresser. I was at work and he took it to my father! He felt the need to make me look like the bad guy--I assume.

My Dad immediately sided with my ex. He said I was just like my slut mother. My Dad told me to my face that I deserved to have MS.

 For one, I never cheated on my husband! NEVER! He was hurt and I am guessing wanted to have a ‘reason’ why I was leaving. There was no other man. I just wanted to go. That’s it! But, back to my father—he placed judgment on me. He automatically referred me to my mother. Didn't talk to me for 2 ½ years. I don’t want to say too much more. My life is like a fucking drama movie! Christ! All of that happened 2001. Things are different now. I am remarried. I have two kids. As for my Dad, I am once again not on talking terms with him. This time it’s the fucking evil step-monster of a bitch! That’s another story I will tell another day.  

My current poison is Paxil! It makes me feel all dried up! I can't seem to cry anymore

MS and Antidepressants are two peas in a pod. MS is not only a cause of depression, but the disease modifying drugs are as well. That is if one chooses to take them. Me, on hand prefers not to take the DMD's. I mean who wants to fuck up their livers by taking these drugs in the hope your disease--which is slow already--doesn't get worse. I don't. MS gives us enough shit to worry about.


But, I want to focus on one things today--depression. 

Depression and MS is a given. So most of us are forced to take an antidepressant. Myself--I have been battling depression for a long time and have tried several prescriptions. My current poison is Paxil. That's right I said poison. I have been doing great except one thing.

The other day I was sharing with my friend Stan Swartz and The Angels--how I feel all dried up! I just can't seem to cry anymore. I mean I have certain things that make me emotional, but nothing like I use to before antidepressants. Shit! I can't even cry for myself anymore. So when I get upset about having MS--I just get pissed off and I can't cry! Like I said, "I'm all dried up!"

Angela Mayhew-Groves, Columnist: When I was diagnosed with R/R MS, my parents didn’t get upset. The first reaction from them both was—“You didn’t get that from my side!”

When I was diagnosed with R/R MS, my parents didn’t get upset. The first reaction from them both was—“You didn’t get that from my side!” I was in a daze and didn’t really care what their reactions were. Nor did I care about my friends reactions. All I could do was focus on my own. 

I was devastated. I was scared, angry and very sad. I had a million things going through my head. For instance; would I die young? Am I going to see my children grow up? Will I see them get married and have children? There was so much on my plate that honestly a bomb could’ve gone off and I wouldn’t have cared. 

Presently, things have calmed down. I am a stronger woman because of this ugly disease.

I don’t take things for granted and I don’t tolerate any bullshit. If someone is toxic I stay away.

When one has MS we have to ‘try’ to keep the stress down. Stress likes to wake up the fucking Monster! We can’t have that. 

For a long time I thought I was the only one with MS. I mean I lived almost 13 years thinking I was the ONLY one. I knew that couldn’t be. I was right! 

Last month, an aunt and her daughter—were BOTH diagnosed with MS! Imagine that!? Now that makes 3 of us with MS! 

Oh—and Dad—you lose! It’s from YOUR side! I really don’t give a shit where I got MS. I am just happy to know that I am not alone.

Thank you Angels and Stan for being part of my life!

A BIT MORE ABOUT ME

My name is Angela Groves. I have Multiple Sclerosis. I was diagnosed November 2000. I haven't worked since 2002. My husband has been taking care of me ever since. Currently he works for a company that doesn't offer medical insurance. July 13, 2013--my husband was riding our daughters bike and wrecked due to a big dip in the yard. This caused him to wreck and when he landed on his leg it broke in two places.

He's had surgery and is now recovery. Each day it's getting better. However, all of the time that he's been off work he isn't receiving income. We have had to borrow money from a couple of friends--which we hate--and will be paying back.

This feels like we are never going to get ahead and is quite overwhelming. The stress is getting to the both of us. We are behind on some bills and have rent and a loan payment arriving soon.

I'M TIRED OF MS's SHIT! MS opened to eyes to what is truly important. Then again--it robbed me!

 
Angela Mayhew-Groves, Columnist, MSnewsChannel.com

MS has been a blessing and yet a curse at the same time.
MS opened to eyes to what is truly important.
Then again--it robbed me.

MS has ruined my life, my self reassurance and somewhat my self-esteem. MS makes things in my life not only physically, emotionally and mentally tiresome--but financially agonizing.

MS makes me even more emotional than I was before the lovely scars(lesions) on my poor delicate brain.


MS has taken my ability to keep up with others. MS has robbed my endurance. MS has given me mood swings that I cannot control. Nor can I prepare for them when they arrive and cannot always pin point the culprit of that mood.

MS has given me the life of a see saw. Ups and downs. Smiles and frowns. Good day and bad days. Sure this may sound cliche' and common. But one thing MS isn't --is common. MS is neither forgiving or compassionate. MS doesn't care if you have time for it or not. MS comes and goes whenever it pleases.

MS is like that annoying neighbor that just won't leave. MS is a frequent reminder that I am sick and my health will never be the same again. I don't want to feel anymore. I am tired of stressing out. I hate worrying about things I can or cannot control.

That Weird Feeling I Get

(Angela Groves, Columnist, MSnewsChannel.com ) 

That Weird Feeling I Get

Do you ever get that weird feeling sometimes that the world is falling down on you? Yeah I feel kind of like that today.

I am in a weird mood. I don't know whether to be happy, sad, angry or to scream out FUCK!
I mean I've been home --not working since 2002. I am bored out of my fucking mind at times. I have people say for me to get out and visit people, but the fucked up thing is  >>>>>I don't want to leave my home. I hate to go anywhere without someone with me. Is it fear? I don't know. I have a love for all people, but when I get out into a public place that is crowded I become easily pissed off. I get the urge to curse people out. Just for them being assholes!

I have NO TOLERANCE for assholes! Especially the ones that think their lives are more important than anyone Else's.

You know what I mean?

I mean shit man---I've been out of work since August 2002 because of my illness. I hate my illness. It's robbed me from so many things. There was so much I wanted to do for me and my family. Now with me collecting disability I feel like a complete loser and a useless person. I mean what the fuck am I here for? What am I suppose to do with myself.

My babies are growing up so fast and before I know it--they will be in College. =( They are my ONLY reasons why I even get up everyday. They make me happy. They give me the strength to keep living.

And thank goodness for my husband. He keeps my self esteem up. He reminds me every single day how much he loves me, how good of a mother I am, wife, person etc. He has always been the one to make me feel so smart.  I've never thought much about myself. I know that should be a big turn-off. But for some reason we work together.
Even though our Astrology signs say we shouldn't--yeah I believe in the stars--somewhat. =)

Out of nowhere I freaked! I haven't had an anxiety attack in several months! I thought those fuckers were gone. =( Nope! I guess I was looking too much into my debts and tax stuff that I became overwhelmed,


I apologize for the long note, but I feel that there maybe others like me that could empathize with me. =)
Hey! Isn't that what Inside My Head is all about?

What you see is what you get.
I am a very sensitive person, I care about people, I care what they think and I worry about everything.
Sorry that's just Angie--- just being myself.

I share everything with everyone ---when I probably shouldn't. I mean MOST people aren't as OPEN and TRUTH as I am. I understand that. But I believe we should be open like a book. Show your true self. Don't be afraid to.

I love you all! Thank you for wanting to be a part of my Inside My Head World.

TIRED

(Angela Groves, Columnist, MSnewsChannel.com )

Tired

Every day is a struggle
This disease I have is unpredictable
I never know from one day to the next
Will I be okay or am I gonna be forced to rest
I don't have time for this monster inside of me
I want to scream, run and hide
I cannot deny when I say it's hard
Just walking a little in my own yard
MS is no joke
It can make one mean so please don't provoke
This monster I have
I hate so much
I sense no cure within my touch
I fear it is greed
People love money way to much
So people like me will suffer as such
I still have hope that will change
For I will continue to hope and walk strange

'My current poison is Paxil! It makes me feel all dried up! I can't seem to cry anymore"

MS and Antidepressants are two peas in a pod. MS is not only a cause of depression, but the disease modifying drugs are as well. That is if one chooses to take them. Me, on hand prefers not to take the DMD's. I mean who wants to fuck up their livers by taking these drugs in the hope your disease--which is slow already--doesn't get worse. I don't. MS gives us enough shit to worry about.

But, I want to focus on one things today--depression. Depression and MS is a given. So most of us are forced to take an antidepressant. Myself--I have been battling depression for a long time and have tried several prescriptions. My current poison is Paxil. That's right I said poison. I have been doing great except one thing.

THE DAY BEFORE MY MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS DIAGNOSIS

I wrote this about my MS diagnosis a few days ago:

The day before "D Day" I was on the edge. The anticipation of knowing whether I was sick or not was eating me alive. I was walking around the house like a zombie. The thoughts in my head were loud. I couldn't focus. I was trying to keep a smile on my face for my two-year daughter. Anxiety was building up to the point I felt breathless. My heart was pounding, my stomach was turning and yet kept my head up. That evening before I was diagnosed--I put my young daughter to bed first. Once she was asleep I went and took a hot shower. There I cried and was begging to the Lord. I didn't care if I was talking to myself out loud. This was a time in my life where I was really drawn to God. God has always been in my heart and in my mind, but on this occasion he was all I could think about.

 

The next day was another day filled with fear and anxiety. I felt in my heart that I was going to get bad news. But to try and remain optimistic I kept telling myself, " you're not a doctor--just wait until you see what the doctor says". I go to the doctors. The waiting in the waiting room was torture! I wanted to jump out of my seat and scream! I wanted to knock everyone out of my way to get ahead. But, I didn't. I sat there with an elephant on my chest. My name was called. I tell you--if I was in a marathon I would have won that race. I jumped up and was ready to get this over with. Then again--was I ready to hear those words? No. We go in the back and that's when I was hit with the shocking news. I felt as though I was run over by a freight train. The doctor tells me that I do indeed have Multiple Sclerosis. The tears instantly started to pour down my face. I couldn't control my crying. I was out of breath. That was the day I will never forget for as long as I live. I mourned over my health the first year. I still go through the terrible stages when you have lost someone or something to this very day. Acceptance, Anger, Sadness, Denial and Bargaining--it happens over and over again.