Monday, October 21, 2013

Hi! I'm Angela and I've written 7 more columns for you. Click on my photo on the far left side of this page to read them all please. 

My Column today is about a very personal and hurtful subject for me to talk about: BETRAYAL!

Wow! Where does one even begin with this topic? I mean—no one—absolutely no one wants to be betrayed by anyone. Especially—by ones own flesh and blood.

That’s right. My own father has betrayed me. There have been several occasions. And,each one hurt worse than the last one. He never seems to support me in any aspect of my life. He’s very critical of me. He is not perfect by any means. No one is! And, yet one would think he was the best person in the world. Talk about self confidence.

When I was diagnosed, I was married to my ex. We were having martial issues at the time. MS added more to the plate.

During that time, I was going to counseling. I went for 4 ½ years. Before and after diagnoses. After stressful thinking, weight loss, deep depression and sleep deprivation—I knew it was over. I never talked to my Mom or Dad about the struggles we were going through. I mean I didn't go into depth. Every marriage has their ups and downs. I didn't want to bother them with the details. It was our business. Right? Well—my ex didn't take things as well. It was like a see saw. One day he was okay with it –then the next day he wasn't.

One day my ex had taken my journal from my dresser. I was at work and he took it to my father! He felt the need to make me look like the bad guy--I assume.

My Dad immediately sided with my ex. He said I was just like my slut mother. My Dad told me to my face that I deserved to have MS.

 For one, I never cheated on my husband! NEVER! He was hurt and I am guessing wanted to have a ‘reason’ why I was leaving. There was no other man. I just wanted to go. That’s it! But, back to my father—he placed judgment on me. He automatically referred me to my mother. Didn't talk to me for 2 ½ years. I don’t want to say too much more. My life is like a fucking drama movie! Christ! All of that happened 2001. Things are different now. I am remarried. I have two kids. As for my Dad, I am once again not on talking terms with him. This time it’s the fucking evil step-monster of a bitch! That’s another story I will tell another day.  

Thursday, October 10, 2013

My current poison is Paxil! It makes me feel all dried up! I can't seem to cry anymore

MS and Antidepressants are two peas in a pod. MS is not only a cause of depression, but the disease modifying drugs are as well. That is if one chooses to take them. Me, on hand prefers not to take the DMD's. I mean who wants to fuck up their livers by taking these drugs in the hope your disease--which is slow already--doesn't get worse. I don't. MS gives us enough shit to worry about.

But, I want to focus on one things today--depression. 

Depression and MS is a given. So most of us are forced to take an antidepressant. Myself--I have been battling depression for a long time and have tried several prescriptions. My current poison is Paxil. That's right I said poison. I have been doing great except one thing.

The other day I was sharing with my friend Stan Swartz and The Angels--how I feel all dried up! I just can't seem to cry anymore. I mean I have certain things that make me emotional, but nothing like I use to before antidepressants. Shit! I can't even cry for myself anymore. So when I get upset about having MS--I just get pissed off and I can't cry! Like I said, "I'm all dried up!"

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Angela Mayhew-Groves, Columnist: When I was diagnosed with R/R MS, my parents didn’t get upset. The first reaction from them both was—“You didn’t get that from my side!”

When I was diagnosed with R/R MS, my parents didn’t get upset. The first reaction from them both was—“You didn’t get that from my side!” I was in a daze and didn’t really care what their reactions were. Nor did I care about my friends reactions. All I could do was focus on my own. 

I was devastated. I was scared, angry and very sad. I had a million things going through my head. For instance; would I die young? Am I going to see my children grow up? Will I see them get married and have children? There was so much on my plate that honestly a bomb could’ve gone off and I wouldn’t have cared. 

Presently, things have calmed down. I am a stronger woman because of this ugly disease.

I don’t take things for granted and I don’t tolerate any bullshit. If someone is toxic I stay away.
When one has MS we have to ‘try’ to keep the stress down. Stress likes to wake up the fucking Monster! We can’t have that. 

For a long time I thought I was the only one with MS. I mean I lived almost 13 years thinking I was the ONLY one. I knew that couldn’t be. I was right! 

Last month, an aunt and her daughter—were BOTH diagnosed with MS! Imagine that!? Now that makes 3 of us with MS! 

Oh—and Dad—you lose! It’s from YOUR side! I really don’t give a shit where I got MS. I am just happy to know that I am not alone.

Thank you Angels and Stan for being part of my life!